Day 5: Bridal Showers and Bachelorettes, revisited

So all in all I think yesterday was a success. Everyone seemed to have a great time, especially the bride, who received loads of great gifts and ended up very drunk last night.

The cake was delicious! Marble cake, raspberry filling, butter cream icing…yum! The activity was well received–the bride loved it. And the mojitos were very refreshing. Of course  I came home with 95% of the booze, an eighth of the cake, tons of crayons and colored pencils and the biggest blisters  I have ever seen on the back of my ankles. So, who knew that when your feet start swelling in the heat when your pregnant they are going to swell in the heat for the rest of your life?? I sure as heck didn’t. The heels I wore there, that fit me when I left the house, were cutting their way down to my bone by then of the day. They hurt so bad I had to go out and buy ballet flats to wear to the bachelorette party that night.

Which reminds me, I wanted to give a shout-out to my husband (who may or may not read this blog) and say thank you, and I love you. Thank you for marrying me so that I never have to go out to places like Buckethead ever again, unless a friend asks me to, of course. Talk about tool and hooker central! There had to be at least 15 other bachelorette parties going on there at the same time and me and my bachelorette and the rest of the party were in awe of how these people dressed! Penis name tags, penis headbands–I was smacked in the head with a hot pink penis straw that one girl was whipping another girl with. At one point it looked like Jersy Shore vomited on the stage! Ugh!

The highlight of the evening was when one of the shot guys-men who whore themselves out pouring 3% alcohol shots in the mouths of drunk sluts off the front of the stage for no money and no tips-comes over to get is shot bottle refilled while I was waiting for a water. He leans on the bar next to me and says “is that your bachelorette over there?”  I say yes. He says, “she is not nearly drunk enough.” I say we’re working on it. ” And he says, and I quote, “You girls get up on the stage and send her my way and I’ll fill. her. up.” GROSS!!!!

What is comes down to is that the bride had a good time right? I think she did. I hope she did. Otherwise I have the image of that buckethead burned into my memory for all eternity for nothing.

Congratulations Nicole! Can’t wait for the wedding!

Day 4: Bridal Showers and Bachelorettes

Today I am hosting a bridal shower for one of my best friends, Nicole. This will not be a long post since I have WAY too much to do, but I needed to share something with you all.

For those young mothers out there who have taken on the task of hosting a bridal shower with an infant at home:

GOD BLESS YOU.

When I accepted this as my responsibility for her wedding, I had no idea what I was agreeing to. Thank goodness for me she is very laid back, and her mom did a lot of the work. All I was in charge of was the activity, the booze and the cake. For the activity we made anniversary cards for the bride and groom-one  for per year for every person in attendance at the party. Get supplies for activity–simple enough. Booze–some vodka, some rum, some juice, mojito fixins, and a few boxes of wine–easy. Cake–call, order it, pick it up–piece of , well you know.

Holy Cow! The night I bought the cards supplies should have been easy enough, except that with only 3 days before the shower I still had no idea how many people were coming–I wasn’t in charge of collecting RSVPs, and had to guesstimate how many cards, art supplies and envelopes to get. I wound up buying for 50. Activity–check.

Then there was the night I bought the hooch I had to take my son with me. I am so ashamed. Here I am with a baby strapped to my chest with a CART full of alcohol going though the register. I was so embarrassed.  I am sure all of the people who were smiling and making faces at Benji were thinking, “MY GOD! What kind of mother is she?” “What kind of alcoholic takes her infant to the liquor store to by $100+ worth of booze.” “She should be ashamed.” It was radiating from their smiling faces so much I could smell it. Then I had to have the clerk load up my car because the box was too big and heavy to carry with a baby. It was a mess. I kept expecting C.Y.S to pull up next to my car on the way home and tell me to hand over my child due to irresponsibility. I felt like such a lush. Booze–check.

Lastly, the cake. That was easy. I called, I ordered it, and now I am leaving to pick it up.  Wish me luck.

PS The Bachelorette party is tonight. It is going to be a long day.